Who Gave You The Right?

By Barbara Farina

Lately it seems that people think they can do and say whatever they want just because they have mouths. It’s like they think if they don’t use them – all the time – they will lose them. Not everything that people say is bad, but far too often, people speak up only to tear others down.

 
I want to be very clear with this and there be no confusion. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can talk about me or for me. In the same way, I think and this is true of everyone. No one can speak for another person or judge another person’s life or how that person chooses to live it just because one day they woke up and believed them self to be an evangelist that comes to save us.

 
Apparently, some men, and women, believe that women must live and act in certain ways. This is the dumbest thing that exists. Women are all different. We all have different life experiences.To judge a woman by how she lives, is at least, a level of scary ignorance.
I do not know what makes them think that all women live as we want. The truth is that perhaps most women live as they can. Each one is a story, all with different experiences.
If you really think that a woman likes to be a prostitute (maybe some like to, it is not my duty to judge) then you are wrong, in the same way that it is wrong to think that all women who are accountants like to be accountants. It’s what they have to do to survive.

 

Silencing women and degrading them at the same time - it's not funny at all.

Silencing women and degrading them at the same time – it’s not funny at all.

The fact that you call a woman a bitch and speak badly of her, speaks poorly of you more than it ever will of her. Punishing a woman because she is a prostitute, or works in a hot line (which incidentally many men and women consume) is wrong. To judge her because she is independent and does not need anyone to be who she is, because she is a lesbian or straight, or whatever the case is, is simply wrong.

 
Women are many things – not just what you see them as at first impression. First we are women, daughters, mothers and sisters. We work in many cases in what we can (if we’re lucky in what we like) we try to take path in life and fight against stereotypes permanently armed by society against us. We raise our children often alone, and for them to be able to be happy and give them what they need, we do whatever it takes.

 

If you think this doesn't happen, think again.

If you think this doesn’t happen, think again.

We love who we want and sleep with who we want – at least some of us. Some women cannot even talk about love or sex because it is forbidden by their religion or government. Thinking about being happy with who you want is not an option for many women.
But this is the society in which we live. It is wrong that we choose to be with someone we love, but okay for someone else to tell us who we should love or that we need to marry at age 10. That we will be stoned if we sleep with a man other than our husband, or being killed because we love a person of the same sex. To do so opens up the floodgates for others to publicly condemn us and try to force us to think and feel differently.

 
Lately it seems that it’s okay to take a gun and defend my country but it is bad if I want to marry to another woman. It’s okay if I’m a whore with my husband in bed and I meet his needs but it´s bad if I exercise prostitution to feed my children.

 
These examples are extreme but real. They are too real for too many women around the world. Before judging how I live or what I do you better know my story – and the same is true of everyone.

 
Nobody has the right to judge another person just because they like to hear them self talk or it makes them feel superior.

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13 thoughts on “Who Gave You The Right?

  1. Reblogged this on LGBT Nation and commented:

    Lately it seems that it’s okay to take a gun and defend my country but it is bad if I want to marry to another woman. It’s okay if I’m a whore with my husband in bed and I meet his needs but it´s bad if I exercise prostitution to feed my children.

    These examples are extreme but real. They are too real for too many women around the world. Before judging how I live or what I do you better know my story – and the same is true of everyone.

    Nobody has the right to judge another person just because they like to hear them self talk or it makes them feel superior.

  2. So true, Barbara! So much judging comes from those who are simply trying to say “I am better than you” and they need to remember that it only takes a tiny event in their own life to completely change what their circumstances are.

    Maybe a woman looks down on another because she is on food stamps to feed her kids, but what if the first woman’s husband leaves her and she has to get food stamps herself while she looks for a job? Or maybe one woman judges another because she took her daughter to get an abortion- but then the first woman’s daughter gets pregnant at 15 and she suddenly finds herself considering the same option?

    We cannot know another person’s situation – we are not psychics. We need to be honest about what our choices might be if they were not easy ones.

    Some may say “Then you have no right to judge me for judging – my religion says I should judge you, and try to stop you from living your life the way you need and want to live it.” That is completely different. Your rights stop where my body begins.

  3. Sometimes, I just hate taking an opposing stand, but each society has moral codes which they live by as a whole. A standard in one culture may be frowned upon in another. I am of the belief that certain codes and standards have there place in a civilized society. Prostitution, has been deemed unacceptable in some societies, while perfectly fine in others. I don’t see it as a position that a person of a particular gender has no “right” to speak to the behavior of the opposite gender? Sometimes, wrong is wrong; regardless, of that persons’ reasoning otherwise. Could you imagine society if we placed no boundaries on anything that other people did? Regardless of gender.

    • Dominic,

      I think you’ve entirely missed the point. No-one said to place no limitations on society, but in many cases one set of people judges another based on an arbitrary set of “moral rules” that are fine for their own use but should not be perpetrated on others.

      However, many people think it is their business to condemn and judge that which hurts no-one and is really none of their business – and then they try to legislate it based on their “I don’t like it, there fore it must be wrong” attitude.

      As for society, society changes (obviously); gay marriage is closer than ever (and may I again point out it harms no-one). In contrast, FGM is alive and well in many cultures, and it assuredly does cause harm. A good yardstick for “morality” is “does it hurt anyone?” (and yes, this isn’t always physical harm we speak of – for example, molesting a 4 year old may not do physical damage depending on what is done but it assuredly causes harm.)

      Prostitution harms no-one assuming the woman does it of her own free will and there is no coercion involved. Gay marriage hurts no-one.

      You can say “I don’t like gay marriage or prostitution, it makes me feel icky”, but you really have no right to stand up and be an arbiter of “right” and “wrong”.

      Likewise, I as a woman would not presume to tell you my skydaddy disapproves of wanking and that you should cease and desist of that particular private practice – I might not like the idea of a self administered handi-J, but I shouldn’t tell you it’s arbitrarily “wrong” (and I shouldn’t lie to you and tell you you’ll grow hair on your palms either.)

      Get it?

    • It is true that some boundaries are necessary in many cases. But nobody has the right to tell me what’s wrong if they do not know WHY I do what I do.

  4. I hope that folks who used unkind and judgmental words will someday soon choke on them. Seems like there is a sense of meanness going around that really bothers me. I am not sure if it has always been there with the web making it more public, or if being online has caused folks to lose good manners.

    • Many cowards use the ‘net as a way to unleash their inner asshole with no consequences. They’ll say things they’d never dare to say to someone’s face.

  5. One of my mother’s favorite sayings when I was growing up was “If you have nothing good to say – say nothing” – it’s a shame more people don’t apply that before opening their mouths and criticizing others.

    Far better to try and understand why people live the way they do than condemn them out of hand. How can you possibly understand what causes people to do things you may not agree with if you don’t take the time to find out why.

    Opinions are like assholes – everybody has one. Unfortunately most of the people with the type of bigoted opinions discussed in this article are speaking out of them!

    Great thought provoking article – I hope it get the coverage it deserves.

    Kelvin

  6. On the one hand we must seperate between cultures/countries but on the other hand there is just a difference in the level of extremity.

    Sure stoning a woman sounds worse than hiting a woman. Burning a woman sounds far more extreme than controling a woman.

    But lets go down on the lowest level! Its all The same. Its living violence and brutality against women.

    It starts in the societies (which consists ou of individuals ). Its made by prejudices, by religion, by politics. Why finally? Its a barrier in a lot of brains. Which us also at least partially tought even by mothers. Think at circumisation of girls in some parts of Africa where this is supported by elder women and The “surgery” is even done by women.

    There is a lot to do and a lot fights to be won untill these walls break down and a lot of lessons to learn untill the last uneducated idiot understands that there may not be differenciated between males right and female rights and hardest fights are to be fought there where religion is used as a weapon on the shoulders of women.

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